I was just at a convention in Las Vegas for work and heard the greatest quote for when people are acting high and mighty and so much better than you. It goes like this: 'You did not invent the cure for cancer that tastes like chocolate.' In other words, get off your high horse, stop treating me (or anyone) this way, and shut up. It's a nice and also effective way to get a point across.
I also learned about people that are constantly victims. We all know them. Anything that happens, Oh my God, why is this happening to me? Blah blah blah. So dramatic. I've learned on hepatitis C treatment that there are certain people I can no longer tolerate and it's not because they are a bad person or anything. It is my perception of them and I currently do not want them in my life. I've got quite a bit to juggle without drama constantly brought on by someone else. Or some people I am now finding to be offensive that I never perceived as offensive before but since my emotions are heightened, I am taking their comments to heart and their comments really do hurt my feelings. I try to tell myself that it is from my ribavirin and that I need to let it go, but if something hurts, I can't let it go.
I don't look sick as most people on treatment do not look sick aside from a few exceptions. Since I look fine, people expect me to BE fine. I'm a total trooper and if I hurt, I still do things. I can't drink anymore but I still go to bars with friends and get non-alcoholic drinks. I occasionally go dancing but not as frequently. I go to work when I hurt or if I'm up all night with nausea, insomnia, or diarrhea. If I'm out and I say I'm tired or my joints hurt, I don't expect to be belittled for wanting to head home because it really does take a lot for me to get up and go. And yet, I look fine so I must be whining and complaining for no reason. Or I'm just lazy and am using hepatitis C as an excuse.
It's extremely frustrating and I know I am not alone in the land of people fighting this tricky virus. The people that treat us like this do not understand what exactly we are going through, that we have a very long time to go through this treatment (48 weeks for me), and then in the end, I could still end up on a list for a new liver and if I even get one, and one that my body accepts at that, I will still have hepatitis C. Things are bleak. I am a positive person but this is always in the back of my mind so when someone complains about trivial things, I often want to punch them but fortunately I know this is not acceptable. I still imagine punching them and watching them cry and it just feels so damn good. And then I realize that if anything, I should feel bad for them for having to show off their troubles to the world for attention because that's what it is.
So, I guess the point of this blog is that I am over dramatic people being dramatic. I'm sorry, I don't care if the waitress forgot to bring you ketchup. Be nice and remind her. I don't care if the Gap doesn't have your size pants. Go to Banana Republic. Try doing 48 weeks of a chemotherapy treatment to hopefully save your liver and deal with the side effects and be sober and get through life uncomfortable every time you move. Better yet, think about the little kids doing chemotherapy for cancer. How do your life problems seem now? Still think you have something to complain about?
I agree with a lot of what you had to say. When I was diagnosed with HIV there were people I had to let go. Like you said because I wasn't emaciated and in a wheelchair some couldn't understand why I didn't want to do stuff. When I went into rehab a few years ago I had to shed people who came with drama. If I meet anyone projecting drama I don't even cultivate a relationship. I've seen enough drama I don't need to invite anymore in. They have a saying in NA, "Feelings aren't facts" that I like. If I feel like someone is implying something about me I try to remember it. Sometimes people ARE implying something though. I usually walk away from them and try to feel sorry for them because they have a need to do that. I get it all the time at AA, CA or NA meetings. When I explain that I physically can't make it to meetings I'll get attitude implying that I am just making an excuse. Sometimes I tell them to think what they want and I'll walk away. We'll see how I handle these situations as the Riba builds up in my blood. Good luck with your battles. Cheers, David
ReplyDeleteHi Adam,
ReplyDeleteWe just don't need negative people in our lives. Blamers and sneerers come from a mixture of fear and a desperate need to put someone down so they don't feel so bad about themselves.
You've made a good place for The Total Trooper to let his hair down. Rest when you need to and take care of yourself.
Irene (morphit)
straight to the point but with humour, too, thanks Adam!! I am also "over" a number of people and attitudes; I phoned my sister (no, she has never phoned me since I got ill) and she said "oh, yes, I heard you weren;t very well, oh I have had such a sore throat this week ..... but I carried on and still went to work anyway" (blah blah blah) I am SO OVER that kind of conversation!! as for drama: there's drama done with humour for release and people who are naturally expressive; and then there's drama which is just creating tension needlessly. (and we heppers don't need the stress!) well, Adam I also think the heightened emotions you describe are totally a part of treatment; and to some extent a defense mechanism; sometimes I have noticed heightened perceptions too ..... which have often turned out to be correct! take care and much love to you. xx eva
ReplyDeleteHI guys, this is an old post so I don't know where you're at with this whole thing Adam, but I enjoyed your post. I hate to sound Pollyannaish, but maybe there is a gift in this treatment in that we do eliminate people and situations that perhaps we no longer need. and we get a different perspective on life...like the gap jeans fiasco! Try losing 25 pounds in 3 months and not being able to afford new clothes because you're on disability, right? I've laways been pretty empathetic ( I was a community advocare befoore I got sick) but I feel even more now the the sick, the elderly who have health problems and who are shunned by society for being too slow or forgetful.
ReplyDeleteAnyway I hope you were able to stick with the treatment and that you have success and renewed health,
Peace
Nanakoosa